Dreaming I was at my funeral

“I have a recurring dream that I’ve died, aged thirty, and I’m at my own funeral, watching. No-one else has turned up,” said Nathan, who called HotFM when I was taking calls about dreams recently on Carly and Ben’s breakfast show.

Nathan’s call reminded me of Chris, a man in his twenties who consulted me several years ago about his recurring dream that he would die on his thirtieth birthday.

Chris had experienced the dream since his early teens, and because he believed the dream would come true, he had made key life decisions taking an early death into account. Rather than embrace a bucket list attitude, he shied away from relationships because he didn’t want to leave a grieving partner or fatherless children.

Chris planned study and job choices around not having a future beyond age thirty, and he was close on thirty when he consulted me.

He had been listening to some of my podcasts and was beginning to question his belief that the dream was literal. Within the hour, I helped him to see how his dream related, symbolically, to a recurring issue that had begun in his early teens, and to understand the symbolism of the dream reference to dying at age thirty. It hit home, it made sense to him at a deep gut level. We explored the issue and applied dream alchemy to help resolve it, and he set about planning a longer life.

Nathan, our caller to the radio show, had been having his recurring dream for two years, and was now older than thirty, so he already understood that his dream was symbolic, and wondered what it meant. Being breakfast FM radio, there was no time to delve into the dream or gather many details, but he said the thing that really stood out was that no-one came to his funeral.

Nathan was alone, as well as dead, in his dream.

Since dreams reflect the last 1-2 days, every time a recurring dream comes up you can look back to the previous couple of days to identify a recurring waking life issue. You can also look back to when the dream first began – in Nathan’s case, about two years ago – to help identify the waking life issue that first began or came to prominence then.

“It looks like you’re feeling that something has died within yourself, and you’re acknowledging it, but no-one else is. It looks like you’re not getting support or perhaps recognition from other people for what you’ve achieved, or for what you’ve let go. The thing is, you’re still alive in the dream, watching your funeral, so there’s still a spark of life you can bring back, or inject into something new, if you wish,” I suggested. “And if you’re willing to take a more courageous approach, check that you’re there for yourself. The no-shows at your dream funeral might represent you not showing up for yourself when you need it most, or not recognising the depth of what you’ve achieved or let die.”

Well, I put that in quote marks to make this piece easier to read, but I said something along those lines in the allotted minute or so of radio time.

Nathan replied that he related, that it made so much sense that he was shaking.

I think I also mentioned, on radio, that we all tend to set ourselves goals like “by the time I’m thirty”, or forty, or fifty, and approaching that age without achieving the goal might easily reflect as a dream of death (death of the anticipated outcome) with specific mention of age.

There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to interpreting dreams since every dream is unique, and every dream also deserves the deeper exploration that an hour brings, but there’s huge value, I believe, in discussing dreams and sharing tips on radio to gently impart the art of looking sideways at a dream, to reassure, and to encourage exploring a dream’s metaphor to find new perspective and insight.

Nathan’s big clue is in the fact that his recurring dream began two years ago, so he can look back to that time to help identify the issue. Once that work is done, he could create a dream alchemy practice to bring his unconscious mind on board and support resolution of the issue or the steps he would like to take.

If you’ve had a dream along this theme, here are some questions you might ask yourself, just for starters:

• What plans did you have for when you were thirty (or whichever age referred to in the dream)?
• What did your parents, guardians, teachers, peers, social circles, church, or the media believe you should achieve by the time you were thirty?
• What do you believe should change when you’re thirty?
• How did you feel about the death in the dream? (Ready to let go or lay to rest, panic, fear, grief …)
• If laying the old you or the old plans to rest is inevitable, how many ways can you think of to move forward?
• Have you grieved what seems to have died, or what you have let go?
• Can you revitalise what seems to have died, and in how many possible ways?
• Are you ready to acknowledge the past, to give yourself due recognition, to express your feelings, and to move forward in ways of your choosing?

As we approach the final week of the year, you might like to contemplate some of these questions around the death, or ending, of the year, and choose and shape the ways in which you will dance into a whole new year.
 

You might also enjoy